"The attitude we start with is extremely important for our day-to-day sanity and how we feel about our bodies and ourselves," says Lauve Metcalfe, M.S., a lecturer and body-image researcher at the University of Arizona College of Medicine. "So if your attitude is, 'Look at all the things I need to fix,' you need to switch that around."
Where to start
A good place to start is by examining the messages you give yourself every day. Engaging in negative self-talk is self-defeating and gives others permission to put you down, Metcalfe says. Replacing negative messages with positive ones helps you appreciate all your desirable traits. "We're all multidimensional," she points out. "When I feel better about myself, then outwardly my interpretation of beauty is different, too."
Positive self-talk also creates the psychic energy and motivation you need to make your body the best it can be.
9 Common Examples
Below are nine common negative self-talk phrases followed by ways to give them a more positive spin. The suggestions were gleaned from interviews with Metcalfe and with J. Kevin Thompson, Ph.D., a psychology professor at the University of South Florida, Tampa, and author of "Exacting Beauty: Theory, Assessment, and Treatment of Body Image Disturbance" (American Psychological Association, 1999).
- NEGATIVE: I'm so fat.
POSITIVE: There are many things I like about my body. I've got great shoulders, legs, and calves. I have beautiful skin and eyes. There are still some chunks of fat that bother me, but I'm working on that.
NEGATIVE: I hate how I look.
POSITIVE: My beauty radiates from within. I have a helping spirit that makes me extremely attractive to others. I have wonderful friends who love my vivaciousness. Beauty is defined by so much more than my dress size.
NEGATIVE: I'm so ugly.
POSITIVE: I may not look like a model, but that doesn't mean I'm ugly. I have positive features, also. Do I rate other people using the two extreme categories of ugly or beautiful? Perhaps they don't rate me using them, either.
NEGATIVE: The first thing other people notice about me are my huge thighs (or other body part you are dissatisfied with).
POSITIVE: It's a bit unreasonable to think that I can read other people's minds. Perhaps they notice my thin waist, my rosy complexion, or my great hairstyle. I don't always notice another person's faults, why should I assume they notice mine?
NEGATIVE: I hate how I look in this outfit.
POSITIVE: This outfit doesn't flatter my positive features. I'll find one that does.
NEGATIVE: I can't seem to lose any weight. I might as well give up.
POSITIVE: My current weight-loss strategy is not working. I'll learn how to make it more effective.
NEGATIVE: I wish I looked more like my skinny sister.
POSITIVE: There is always someone who will be more attractive. If I must compare myself to others, I'll choose a range of people -- not just the best-looking ones.
NEGATIVE: I have absolutely no willpower when it comes to food.
POSITIVE: Food is not the enemy. All I need to do is eat when I'm physiologically hungry and stop eating when I'm full. Bingeing when I'm anxious, lonely, bored, or depressed is no longer part of my lifestyle.
NEGATIVE: I hate to exercise.
POSITIVE: I will find a physical fitness program I really like. As my body gets stronger, exercise will become easier and more enjoyable. I will even look forward to my workouts.
Positive self-talk may seem strange at first if you are used to putting yourself down. With practice, positive self-talk will become second nature.
According to Thompson, your current body image may have very little to do with your actual level of attractiveness, anyway. "Although commonly thought of as overlapping substantially, in fact one's (body image) is only minimally correlated with actual ratings of attractiveness," Thompson writes in Mesomorphosis, an online bodybuilding journal. "The overlap is an astonishingly low 5%."
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